


If the egyptians can do it

by MorteMistrata



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: M/M, fake dating trope with a twist
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-19
Updated: 2017-06-19
Packaged: 2018-11-16 05:19:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11247126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MorteMistrata/pseuds/MorteMistrata
Summary: In order to get inside of an alien city to help quell infighting and civil war, the paladins must follow the rules of this planet's religion. The only outsiders allowed inside are those who are bonded, or in other words, are dating someone else. Unfortunately, the only paladins currently dating are Pidge and Allura. If Lance and the others hope to get inside, they must figure out who in their group is compatible to be in a relationship, or else fail to fulfill their duty to help.





	If the egyptians can do it

The Arcadian temples rise above the height of even the Black lion, fencing them inside the circular landing field. To Lance, they look like those pyramids in Egypt, right down to the ancient stone like material that they’re made of. Pidge had gone off about how the structure and building material were actually really well suited to information relays, and blah, blah, blah, but that didn’t seem nearly as important as the fact that they were gonna be in actual pyramids! Lance had never really gone anywhere cool like that on Earth; his family just couldn’t afford it, but here, he could almost pretend that it was Egypt that they were visiting, instead of some weird alien planet.

A door slides open at the base of the pyramid closest to them, and a grinning, almost human-esque figure walks out. They’re almost the same height as Shiro, perhaps a bit taller, although their frame is much more willowy. Their clothes are reminiscent of those ancient Greek togas. A cascade of long, pale blue hair falls around their shoulders, and down their back, contrasting with the almost pitch black hue of their skin. She stops a few feet in front of Shiro and offers him a sharp toothed smile.

“Welcome to Arcadia, Paladins of Voltron. We are very honored that you have accepted our call for help.” The Arcadian’s voice is feminine in nature, and soft spoken. Her eyes, dark blue and without pupils, reflect their motley group, clustered behind Shiro and Allura in a triangle-like formation.

Allura dips her head in response, offering in turn a polite smile. Lance isn’t sure, but he thinks that the tips of her teeth are sharpened slightly to mimic the Arcadian’s. “Thank you, Priestess. We’re glad to help. If you could lead us to the insurgency, we can get started on-”

“Apologies, honorable Paladins, but unless you are mated, we cannot allow you entrance into the city.” The Priestess interrupts, a cordial frown replacing the smile on her lips.

“Mated?” Shiro repeats, and Lance finally gets the connotations of what she’d said. Surely she couldn’t mean sex, could she?

The Priestess nods. “It is a long standing tradition to only allow mated outsiders into our capital city. By having a mate, you prove that you are capable of compassion, and,” She lowers her eyes for a moment, and above the first pair, he spots a second pair of closed eyes an inch or so above them. “Without them, you will not be able to pass through the barriers unharmed.”

“What barriers?” Hunk says, gently pushing to the front of the group. “Are we talking the whole quintessence, magick-y kinda stuff, or more of the circuits and guns type?”

“If it’s circuits and guns, I can probably hack it to let us in.” Pidge says, loading up the tablet on her wrist.

“No!” The Priestess says, her voice suddenly firm. “You shall not interfere with our holy temples. We may request your help, but not at the betrayal of our own traditions.”

Allura shoots a look at Pidge and Hunk, and they shrink back behind Keith and Lance. She lowers her gaze respectfully. “I apologize for insulting you, Priestess. However, there shall be a problem with the, uh, ‘mates’ part. Only two of us are currently ‘mated’, and we aren’t exactly what the situation calls for.”

Lance perks up. How the quiznack is someone in a relationship without him knowing? He looks to his left, but Keith’s not revealing anything in his expression, and neither is Shiro. Come to think of it, Allura’s the only one who seems to know anything about this relationship. His eyes widen.

He turns to Keith, and whispers behind his hand. “You think Allura and Shiro are bangin’?”

Keith scowls and shoves him away. “Hell no. She’s not his type at all.” Lance pouts, and turns back to Allura.

She doesn’t speak, and her mouth is set in a resolute straight line.

“So, uh, me and Allura can go in?” Pidge finally says, pushing past Keith and Lance to join Allura at the front of their little procession. Her cheeks are splotchy red from her embarrassment, and she doesn’t meet anyone’s incredulous stares as she slips her hand into Allura’s.

The Priestess smiles again, beckons them forward. The door slides open behind her, and bright white light shines onto the soil. “You and your mate can pass. Until the others recognize their pairs, they must stay behind.”

Shiro watches Pidge and Allura cross to the door, mouth agape. “But, uh, how are the rest of us supposed to get in? We aren’t likely to pair up with each other, and you’re going to need as many of us as possible to help with the rebellion.”

The Priestess pauses in the doorway, a grin resting on her lips. “There is at least one other pairing to be made. I’m sure that you can figure it out.” her second pair of eyes flutter open, as if in a wink, revealing a set of blue eyes slightly darker than the first pair. Then the door is closing shut behind them, leaving the four of them behind in the bare landing pad.

None of them speak for a moment.

Then Lance breaks the silence. “So…is anyone else having a secret affair that we should know about or…?”

Hunk holds his hands up. “Not me! I went on like one date with Shay, and I don’t think that counts!”

“I believe you, bud.” He turns to Keith, who’s arms are crossed, and his face is half-hidden by his overgrown mullet. “Which leaves Keith and Shiro. You got some lover we don’t know about?”

Lance hadn’t known that Shiro could even blush, but sure enough, a stain of dark pink dusts his cheeks. “I don’t think she meant that, Lance. I think she meant that two of us are compatible for a relationship.”

“So two of us have to like, confess?”

“Or pretend to.” Keith adds.

They fall back into silence.

“So…who should confess to who?” Lance asks.

Keith snorts, and Hunk hides a smile behind his hand. “Lance, and Shiro.” They say in unison.

Lance shoots Hunk a glare. Way to be obvious about Lance’s little crush. He looks back at Shiro, something jokingly protesting on the tip of his tongue, when his commander manages to say.

“Okay.”

“Wha- what?” Lance sputters. “We’re, you and me, are gonna pretend to date, so we can go inside of this weird alien temple thing?”

“Uh…yes? That’s the gist of it, I guess.”

Lance’s cheeks burn. Wow, this is really happening. He’s had Shiro’s poster on the ceiling of his bunk since he’d blasted off into space. He’d had fantasies about holding hands in observatories, watching meteor showers in the desert by the Garrison, and going to ice cream parlors. Never had he even considered fake dating to get into a weird alien city.

“Um, alright. So, do we just say it aloud, or hold hands or something?” Lance asks, taking a few steps forward to stand beside Shiro.

Shiro grabs Lance’s hand. Their hands fit together perfectly, and Lance’s face burns even more. What if his hand gets all sweaty and clammy and stuff? Oh, wait. Gloves.

He exhales a shaky breath.

Shiro’s face is still tinted pink. He looks at Lance anyways and offers him a smile. “Ready?”

“Yeah, of course. Why wouldn’t I be?” Lance rambles as they walk towards the pyramid. The door is so seamlessly made that Lance can’t tell exactly where it is. They stop a few feet away from the base and wait.

Shiro’s thumb brushes against Lance’s knuckle and he shivers. God this is so weird. A door slides open, and bright, white light spills out of it. Lance squints and pulls down his visor, which doesn’t do too much against the harsh lighting. Shiro tugs on his hand, so he shrugs and closes his eyes, allowing Shiro to guide him.

So they’re like, romantically compatible apparently. That’s nice, Lance supposes. At least now his daydreams are somewhat rooted in reality.

The door shuts behind him, and he jumps at the sudden noise.

“Easy,” Shiro murmurs. “I don’t think we’ve passed through the barriers yet.”

Lance opens one eye. Sure enough, they haven’t crossed through to the actual city yet. Instead, they’re standing in some weird tiny room. It was maybe six feet on each side, which meant that Shiro had to stoop if he didn’t want to hit his head.

“Um, I don’t see a door.”

Shiro sighs. “Neither do I.”

Lance gulps. “Is now a bad time to mention that I’m claustrophobic?”

Before Shiro can reply, the room begins to creak, and the sounding of stone scraping against stone resonates through the chamber. Across from them, the wall is moving closer. Lance backs up against the wall behind him, and his hand slips from Shiro’s for the first time since they’d started this whole shtick. Shiro presses a hand against the ceiling, but it continues moving down just as steadily. He backs up beside Lance.

“I don’t know how we’re supposed to get past this, Lance. If you’ve got any ideas, now would be a great time to share.”

“We could try calling Pidge?”

Shiro shakes his head. “The coms haven’t been working since we landed.”

Lance sighs and slides to the floor. The ceiling is pressing pretty low now, almost to five feet, and at this point, it’s just not worth trying to stay on his feet. Shiro joins him a moment later, straightening his legs out to press against the impending wall.

“Well, I dunno, Shiro.” Lance watches as the wall pushes his feet back a few inches. “This is not how I expected a first date to go.”

Shiro turns his head so fast, Lance is pretty sure it shoulda snapped off. “‘First date’?”

Lance glares at his feet. Stupid mouth. Stupid pyramid. Stupid alien trials.

“Well, we can consider this one a bust and have the ‘first date’ back at the castle.” Shiro says, his voice strained. The ceiling is too low, and forces Shiro to lean over. His head rests lightly against Lance’s shoulder.

“A date-date?”

“What other kind of date is there?” Shiro snorts.

“Well, I- uh, um.”

Shiro intertwines his hand with Lance’s again. “I’m pretty sure this thing is going to crush us both if we don’t actually confess, so I might as well just say it.” Shiro takes a deep breath. “I like you, Lance. Would you be my boyfriend?”

The wall has pushed Lance’s legs up high enough to press against the ceiling. The weight of the stone above them is starting to press almost painfully into his head and kneecaps. He’s still not entirely sure that this isn’t a dream. But seriously, come on. In what universe would Shiro, the hottest dude Lance has ever seen, want to be Lance’s boyfriend?

“Lance. Now would be a really great time to say yes.” Shiro says through gritted teeth.

“Oh. Yeah. True.” Lance stammers. “I, uh, yes to the boyfriend thing.”

As soon as the words leave his mouth, the ceiling and walls pull back to their original height. They both sigh in relief as they pull themselves to their feet. A door opens on the opposite side of the room.

The Priestess steps through, a wide smile on her face. “Welcome to Arcadia, Paladins. You have passed through the barrier.” She motions to the door. “Your friends are waiting for you on the other side.”

Lance looks down, somewhat surprised that Shiro’s still holding his hand. “This feels too stupidly cliche to not be a dream.”

Shiro squeezes his hand reassuringly. “It’s too cliche to not be real.”

They follow the Priestess through the door and towards their mission, and all the while, Lance can’t stop grinning at the absurdity of it all. He has a boyfriend now. All because of a weird alien matchmaking thing. Of all the things that have happened to them in space, this has to be the best.

 

 


End file.
